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13 going on 30

Some things feel like the wrong place at the wrong time. This post is a little bit of story time expressing the human desire to understand.


I had a thought. My gap year feels like I’ve missed out a few steps and I’ve jumped to a 30 year olds life. Like I’ve missed a few chapters or like I’ve skipped ahead. It feels like I missed freshers week and didn’t go to University at all and somehow that part of my life was just over. Its so odd. I feel in some ways like I’m not completely ready for it yet. To be in an office full time and then in the evening go to my Musical Theatre Course and then if I forget to cook dinner, I have to do that afterwards at 10pm. Have to do my washing at 11pm?! I sleep around 1am and then I have wake up and do it all again feeling really tired. 

It is a full on freaking life! But in saying all of that it is actually quite cool. In my first internship I had my little group of other interns and it was very creative because there was so much room for it. In my current internship with a Theatre investing company, I am the only intern. Everyone who works here has their own private desk but at the advertising agency before everyone had to hot desk. It was really cool for me to see how sociability is promoted in an office. 

However today, I got to go to a real script reading! A script reading like this happens when a production team and the actors get together to read through the play being put on. This is done to gain a greater feel of what the show may actually look like. Our company was helping produce the two plays being read so my little intern self got to go! It was phenomenal to see. 

But I went clubbing last night -.- An old friend was in London for one night only and wanted to go out. Our other friend cancelled last minute and I couldn’t let her down. I woke up drunk and went to the script reading with my asian flush still popping (asian flush is a side effect of being allergic to alcohol, which is common in Asian people and I am part Chinese..) So we’re there and I went downstairs to pick up the scripts and I bump into one of the actors, Jason Isaacs, but some people know him better as Lucius Malfoy…!!! He’s walking up the damn stairs and I didn’t even recognise him without the long, bleach blonde hair. So I say, ‘oh are you here for the script reading’ and he says, ‘yes’ so we walk in. I didn’t even know… But when I figured out it was him - lets just say it was very difficult for me to stay contained. Anthony McCarten was also there who wrote and produced, the ‘theory of everything’  because these were his plays........ excitement overload.

Just imagine that I’m sitting in the same room as the most creative minds and talents… and I’m still slightly drunk and very excited. When everyone’s sat down, we go around the room and introduce ourselves. ‘Hi, I’m Anthony McCarten the writer and producer’, “Hi, I’m Jason Isaacs, one of the actors’, ‘Hi, I’m Becky, I’m the intern’. Well. I was the most useless person in that room, but I didn’t mind of course because look who I was with! 

I called my family to tell them about it and while I was calling them, I had this weird moment where I suddenly felt like there was so much of their life that I wasn’t part of. So much that had happened when I wasn’t there. But I mean, obviously thats going to happen and I don’t need to be there every second but it feels weird to not be part of it either when I had for my entire life. Aw... they’re there and I’m here you know? 

So I’m super tired from my 3 hours of sleep and feeling homesick at this point but I still have my course in the evening. I have my singing lesson first and I’m trying to hide the fact that my eyes keep closing - it was hard. I was feeling really sorry for myself, but I think you do need to let yourself have those moments because when I finished my course for the evening, I came out laughing. Liked how that worked out. 

But I am not ready to be 30 yet. So I’m going to go and cook some scrambled eggs for dinner now and maybe watch Gossip Girl. Stay tuned xo

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