Walking into middle school scared the shit out of me. I mean, it's middle school. We all remember our acne, brace-faced, cringe flooded days. We all remember how we walked into an array of different fears. More school work, discovering the vicious nature of popularity and of course the greatest challenge of making a smooth transition through puberty.... hehe. And it was scary because it meant something to us. We all wanted to be wanted and we liked how invigorating it was to grow up. Then walking into high school meant walking into new friendship groups, embracing passions and discovering more about what kind of person you want to be. And then there is another walk you must take, which is the walk out. The walk out is basically when you say goodbye to these things that meant something to you because it is now a new beginning.
And I'm not going to ignore the fact that I crave adventure, but the honest truth is that I'm scared. I have to walk somewhere unfamiliar and I don't even think that I am actually ready to say goodbye. People tell me that it isn't actually goodbye at all because we all end up coming back and reconnecting. But it is goodbye to one phase and I might need to put my brave face on for a little longer than I had intended.
South Korea. Last week, I went to South Korea. I realise that was abrupt and weird, but I am going to continue talking about it. Seoul is the extraordinary capital that I had the privilege to explore. It was strange because for an entire week, I was pulled away from all the saying goodbyes to people and the crying. I could just be, which was another thing that was abrupt and weird. I could just Karaoke my heart away and drink soju and play neon bowling with my Korean friends and eat fabulous food. It was thrilling and I loved every moment of it. I could be with my best friend and just enjoy the pleasure of simply having a best friend. But then when that week ended, I had to come back home and sometimes home doesn't feel very homey because I keep of thinking how I have to say goodbye to it. After all this, let me tell you, goodbye is a much harder word than sorry.
And after drowning you in miserable 18 year old sorrow, I will leave you with this. No matter how many goodbyes you have to say, there will always be another hello. Goodbyes are not permanent the same way that fear isn't real. Fear is just as much a chemical reaction in our bodies as it is artificial because we can choose whether it takes advantage of us or not. Goodbyes are not permanent and will not take over us all the same, because they are always recovered with, "hello".